Short Answer
Parental blessing is helpful but not required for marriage, especially when parents do not share a biblical worldview. A couple can move forward with marriage if the relationship aligns with biblical principles and receives wise counsel from mature, godly believers. The most important approval is God’s, not the opinion of unbelieving family members.
The Overview
Many Christians value the blessing of their parents when preparing for marriage. Family approval can bring peace, strengthen relationships, and help future family dynamics run smoothly. However, when parents are not believers or do not evaluate relationships through biblical principles, their approval cannot be treated as a requirement for a Christian marriage.
Scripture presents marriage as a good gift from God. While honoring parents is important, the Bible does not require that a couple must wait indefinitely for parental permission before getting married. In situations where parents reject a relationship for reasons unrelated to biblical values, their opposition should not automatically stop a marriage that is otherwise wise and God-honoring.
Even though parental approval is not mandatory, it is still wise to pursue peace with family whenever possible. Couples should make sincere efforts to build relationships with their families and seek their support. Having parents involved can make future family situations—such as raising children and maintaining extended family relationships—much easier.
When parental blessing is unavailable, couples should seek guidance from spiritually mature believers instead. Wise mentors, church leaders, and older Christians can provide valuable counsel and help evaluate the relationship objectively. With godly counsel and a biblically healthy relationship, a couple can move forward in marriage even if parental approval never comes.
Key Takeaways
- Parental Blessing Is Helpful but Not Required
Marriage does not require parental approval, particularly when parents do not share Christian values. - God’s Approval Matters Most
If a relationship aligns with biblical principles, it can move forward even without family support. - Seek Godly Counsel
Mature Christian mentors and church leaders can help evaluate a relationship wisely. - Pursue Peace with Family When Possible
Couples should still try to gain family support because it can make future relationships smoother. - Do Not Delay Marriage Indefinitely
If parental approval never comes, couples should not postpone marriage forever when the relationship is biblically sound.
The Source — The Speaker Transcript
00:00:01
Uh, help help me Dr. Lee. There there’s a handle for you. Pastor Mike, [clears throat] I’m a new believer and the only one in my family. My parents never mentioned Jesus once my whole life. Yeah, a lot of people are in that situation these days. Uh, does my fiance have to wait for them to bless our marriage before the wedding? No. Uh, the short answer is no. [music] Uh, it is great for the sake of your family peace. Uh, help me Dr. Lee, if you, Dr. Lee, have the blessing of your in-laws,
00:00:34
that’s great. But, uh, or your parents, uh, but the reality is, um, your parents, um, you know, are operating on a whole different value system than you are as a Christian under the lordship of Christ. So, I [snorts] would say this, and I have to deal with this all the time as a pastor and dealing with issues like solemnizing uh marriage covenants. And I would tell you that uh I would have no problem standing up before a congregation uh solemnizing a relationship where uh there was a set of
00:01:03
parents that uh never signed off on it, that never got on board. uh it would have to be a situation like the one you’re describing where the parents have no grid, no value grid that’s based in scripture and uh they’re saying no for silly reasons. What I would want for you though, Lee, if I can call you that, is that you would um have some [clears throat] people that are like parents, some godly older people that could look at your relationship and could give it a thumbs up. The kind of
00:01:32
thumbs up that would say, “Yeah, I think your fiance is just the right kind of person here.” And um I I think this is going to be a good marriage. There’s a victory in the abundance of counselors. Be sure you get the counsel, the input, and it’d be nice to get the thumbs up from outsiders, not just two people that are romantically in love. And that will help a great deal. You want to be obedient as possible. I get that. And uh you make your life easier if you can get even non-Christian in-laws or in your
00:01:58
case, non-Christian parents to like your fiance and and give them a thumbs up. But here’s the deal. Um, if not doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. It just means that you don’t have the kind of blessing that would make your future easier. Remember this, there are so many things if you run the timetable forward where you’re going to want uh your parents on board, right? You’re hopefully going to have kids one day. They’re going to be, you know, grandparents and you’re babysitting all the rest. And all I’m
00:02:24
telling you is it would be good if you could secure that. >> [snorts] >> had a situation not long ago with a young couple in our church and I just I kept telling uh in this case it was the in-laws. I kept telling this person just keep trying to get your future spouse’s in-laws on board and if we have to postpone this, let’s postpone it for a while. But I wasn’t going to postpone it indefinitely. Uh I wasn’t going to advise that he postpone it indefinitely because you may not you may not ever get
00:02:50
that. And I I can’t say no to what is right before me as something allowable by God. God calls in 1 Corinthians 7 a blessing uh from God. I’m not going to wait on that until some non-Christians uh even if I’m related to them uh genetically to give me a thumbs up. I’d like it. It’s good to get it. Uh if you can’t get it, uh make sure there’s others that will give you that that are godly and wise and move forward.
