How can Christians be generous without enabling someone who repeatedly asks for money?

Question

Mike Fabarez · Accepted Answer

Short Answer

Christians are called to be generous, compassionate, and willing to help people in genuine need. However, biblical generosity does not require continually supporting someone who is capable of providing for themselves but repeatedly depends on others instead.

The advice given was that helping someone once or twice may be appropriate, but ongoing financial support can sometimes encourage unhealthy dependency rather than genuine responsibility.

True compassion seeks a person's long-term good, not just immediate relief. Sometimes the most loving response is helping someone move toward responsibility, work, family support, or other appropriate resources rather than continually providing money.

The Overview

This question came from a couple who had repeatedly helped someone from a former church, only to find that the person continued returning whenever money was needed.

The challenge was balancing two biblical values:

generosity
wisdom

Why Do They Keep Asking?

One observation made was simple: people often return to the sources that have helped them before.

That does not automatically mean they are acting maliciously, but it does raise an important question:

Is this temporary assistance, or has it become a pattern of dependency?

Christians should ask whether their help is solving a problem or merely sustaining it.

The Biblical Expectation of Responsibility

The discussion referenced biblical passages that encourage individuals to work, provide for themselves, and take responsibility for their needs whenever possible.

The general principle is that able-bodied people should pursue:

work
personal responsibility
stewardship
self-support

when those options are available.

Family Comes Before Wider Support

Another major theme was the Bible's emphasis on family responsibility.

Scripture often presents a sequence of care:

Individual responsibility
Immediate family support
Extended family support
Community resources
Church assistance

The point is not that churches should never help, but that the church is often a later line of support rather than the first option.

Compassion Is More Than Giving Money

The discussion challenged the assumption that compassion always means writing another check.

Sometimes compassion means:

helping someone find work
encouraging better decisions
connecting them with family support
pointing them toward available resources
helping them develop long-term stability

Financial assistance may be part of that process, but it is not always the best solution.

How to Respond

The recommendation was not to ignore the person or cut them off harshly. Instead, the couple could lovingly explain that they will no longer provide financial support while encouraging healthier and more sustainable solutions.

This approach combines truth, compassion, and wisdom.

Helping Without Enabling

The key distinction throughout the discussion was this:

Helping seeks restoration and responsibility.

Enabling allows unhealthy patterns to continue indefinitely.

Christians should aim for the first while avoiding the second.

Key Takeaways

Generosity Requires Wisdom
Giving money is not always the best help.
Dependency Can Become a Problem
Repeated requests may signal deeper issues.
Personal Responsibility Matters
Scripture encourages work and stewardship.
Family Support Comes First
The Bible places strong emphasis on family care.
Compassion Is More Than Financial Help
Long-term solutions often matter most.
Help Without Enabling
Love seeks a person's ultimate good.

https://youtu.be/_eXcbFjk6jY

Bible Verse Mentioned

1 Thessalonians 4
1 Timothy 5
Proverbs (the laborer's appetite motivates work)
Romans 13
2 Corinthians 12:14 (parents providing for children principle referenced)

Transcript

Some from our old church keeps reaching out to my husband only when he needs money. Okay, we've helped him. Johanna asked this in the past, but we're not sure it's wise to keep doing that. We want to be generous. But how do we know what God would want us to do? I know what God wants you to do.

If you've got a guy in your church that's asking for money. Okay, your old church at least, and you've helped him in the past, that's the reason he keeps reaching out to you because you helped him in the past. Bob was really clear in first Thessalonians, and we're assuming now an average person who probably could provide for himself.

That's not well, then you shouldn't be the person providing for him. Matter of fact, as it says in the Proverbs, it's the appetite of the laborer that presses him on. It's why all this talk in the news about the Snap program and all the rest? We got way too many people relying on a lot of things that they shouldn't rely on, whether it's the government or whether it's their friends, they should be relying on themselves.

The Bible says to eat their own food, and if they can't, the Bible says in First Timothy they should be relying on their immediate family. It's interesting. I heard some of these people on the snap snap snafu, pardon the pun, dealing with the fact that I don't want to depend on my family. That's why I have these Snap resources.

Well, okay, that's the whole point. The Bible says you should depend on your family. That is the God given fallback if you cannot provide for yourself, just like a little toddler can't provide for himself, well then of course the mom and dad are going to provide for the kids. As Paul said to the Corinthians, that's how it works.

But we don't have when it comes to I just can't because of whatever reason. Even if you're an elderly widow, the Bible says don't put them on the church rolls. If they have a family because they got a family, the family ought to be taking care of them. And if they don't, then they're worse than unbelievers because even unbelievers care for their own family members.

So, Johanna, I would say, you tell this person, hey, for your own good. I know this is tough love and you don't want to hear it, but but we're not we're not going to help you anymore financially because we really want God to use your your hunger and deprivation to drive you into better solutions. And better solutions are always going to be about you dealing with your own needs yourself.

And you need to do that. And if not, well, then it ought to be your own family. And if your family can't, well then it's going to have to be your extended family. If your extended family can't, well then it needs to be the government. Because as it says in Romans 13, as it says, even in the passage that I'm thinking of in first Thessalonians chapter four, I'm sorry, first Timothy, chapter four, either even organizations, but I think is embedded in that passage that sometimes will help.

There are people that have widows, the people that have some kind of ministry to widows. That should be the next thing before the church gets involved. Well then, if there's no family, no extended family, no social programs that can help, which there were in Israel. But if there's none, well, great, then the church. And you're saying this is someone from your old church?

I mean, we're five layers deep, but I would say to that person, go to your own church, right? And if the pastors of your own church aren't willing to help you get food in your mouth or whatever you need the money for, right? There must be a serious issue here in a problem, and your hunger pains should motivate you to do what you're supposed to do, and that is to tend to your own issues here, which are to provide for yourself.

Everyone in our day I know is a victim. Everyone in our day needs a handout. I know that that's the mindset, but it isn't how it would be if in fact, we didn't have all these social safety nets, which I'm on favor of some. Certainly in the Bible we have the architecture of God giving us some social safety nets.

But obviously this has gone way too far, and the Bible's got a very clear chain of command in terms of caring for your own needs. And Johanna, it's not some guy who used to go to my church. It's only that way. And Johanna, the reason it's coming to you is because you've fed him in the past. Give a mouse a cookie.

As the old book says, the old child's kids book says, and yeah, give a mouse cookie. He's going to soon want to sit down at the dinner table. All right. So, yeah. And whatever you may think, that's not compassionate. Compassion is to help people do what is right. Compassion is to help people along, to get them to the right place.

I'm not telling you. You just ghost him. I'm saying you help disciple him toward doing what God wants him to do. All right, Johanna, thanks for the question.

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