Short Answer
The Bible teaches that marriage will not continue in heaven, but that does not mean heaven will lack joy or meaningful relationships. The fellowship and relationships believers experience in eternity will be far deeper and more satisfying than romantic love on earth. Whatever God has prepared will surpass earthly pleasures, so nothing truly good will be missing.
The Overview
Romantic love is one of the most meaningful and joyful experiences in human life, which naturally leads people to wonder whether it will continue in heaven. The Bible indicates that in the resurrection there will be no marriage or giving in marriage, which raises questions about how heaven can still offer complete joy without romantic relationships.
One helpful way to understand this idea is through an illustration often used by C.S. Lewis. Imagine a young boy who believes eating chocolate is the greatest pleasure imaginable. If someone tried to explain to him that the joy of adult relationships is far greater, he might struggle to understand because his experience is limited. In the same way, people sometimes assume romantic love is the highest possible form of joy because it is the greatest relational experience they currently know.
However, the deeper reality behind romantic love is the human desire for closeness, connection, and fellowship. Romantic affection is one expression of that desire, bonding two people together. In heaven, God will fulfill the human longing for relationships in a far greater way, allowing people to experience perfect fellowship and joy in relationships without the limitations that exist in this world.
On earth, romantic attraction also serves an important purpose in God’s design. It draws men and women together in marriage so that humanity continues through reproduction. In eternity, that purpose will no longer be necessary. Even if romantic love does not exist in the same form, believers will not feel that something important is missing because the joy and fellowship of heaven will far exceed anything experienced in this life.
Key Takeaways
- Marriage Does Not Continue in Heaven
Scripture teaches that in the resurrection there will be no marriage or giving in marriage. - Heaven Will Provide Greater Joy Than Earthly Romance
Even though romantic love is one of life’s greatest pleasures, the joy of heaven will surpass it. - Human Desire for Connection Will Be Perfectly Fulfilled
The closeness people seek in romantic relationships reflects a deeper desire for fellowship that will be fulfilled in heaven. - Romantic Attraction Has a Purpose on Earth
God designed romantic love to bring men and women together in marriage and to continue humanity through reproduction. - Nothing Good Will Be Missing in Heaven
Whatever relationships look like in eternity, they will be better than anything experienced on earth.
Transcript
00:00:01
Uh, hi Pastor Mike. Um, I had a question that had to do with relationships. >> Okay. >> Um, does God want us with a specific person? The reason I ask is that sometimes me and my girlfriend have um petty arguments, which honestly most of the time are um caused by me. And after it gets resolved, I feel terrible. I was wondering if maybe there was a a quote unquote better person for her or if the Lord wills, would it be better if I guess get classes to manage negative emotions? I’d really love to get engaged
00:00:38
and married with her in the future, but I just want to know if there was a specific person for everybody or if I learn to better manage my emotions, would it be in God’s grace for us? Yeah, that’s a really really good question and uh here’s how I would respond to that. There are two sides to looking at reality here on the timeline. One is our side that we have been placed on this timeline, working in this world, making decisions, trying to find what is wise and best and making those decisions. On
00:01:11
the other side of the tapestry, uh God is at work and he is working out his will as it says in Ephesians chapter 1. And we know uh that there are things that he’s doing that we will look back on and say this is precisely what God and his providence wanted done. The problem is we can’t think about the other side of the tapestry and try and figure out what’s going on there because we don’t have that perspective. The only perspective that we have been given as finite beings as Christians is to look
00:01:36
to his word uh to gather wisdom to look to the principles of God’s word and then try to make the best decision we possibly can. And the Bible gives us ways to do that. And then we’re just going to have to say that uh the decisions that we make uh can’t be somehow uh muddied by me thinking, well, there’s probably some perfect plan out there and maybe I got plan B, C, or D. And and so I can’t, you know, I I’m I’ I’ve got this, you know, paralysis by analysis trying to figure out what God’s
00:02:06
will is. Here’s the thing. Here’s here’s what I know for sure. God’s will is for someone uh that is a follower of Christ. If you’re a follower of Christ, uh it’s someone that is relatively near your age. That just makes uh biological and biblical sense. It needs to be someone that uh you are attracted to. That makes biblical sense in the book of the Song of Solomon. Uh it needs to be someone that’s attracted to you. It needs to be someone that you feel like and you sense
00:02:34
in subjective feelings that you think this is a a good match. Now, here’s the problem. anybody you think is even a perfect match in a matter of of days, months, years, you’re going to find out uh that just because everything in this world is flawed and and imperfect, you’re going to find problems. So, it just takes time to get past some of those feelings to realize there’s not a single relationship on the earth that I’ve ever met other than dishonest couples uh that will tell you that their
00:03:02
relationships don’t have problems. So, you’re going to have conflict. You’re going to have arguments uh in your youth, assuming you are youthful. There’s a lot of the things that we don’t do very well in terms of self-control and saying things we maybe 10 years or 20 years from now are going to be able to withhold better because we’ve learned uh self-discipline, self-control. And I I trust that um everybody in your stage of life, finding someone they’re attracted to, someone
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that is a Christian that shares that that devotion to the lordship of Christ, and you are getting to know each other, uh you’re going to get past some of the things that you might overlook because you feel all those feelings of attraction and you’re going to start to settle into a relationship and say, “Okay, I think this may be the woman for me.” But then all of a sudden, you’re going to realize you got you got conflict, you got disagreements, and that’s just going to have to that’s
00:03:52
going to happen. Now, if it happens to an extent that the people around you would were to say, Alexis, you know, all I see you guys doing is arguing. You know, you guys just seem like you don’t even get along, you should ask people how they view your relationship. Now, you know it better than anyone looking at it. But if everyone around you can kind of see that you guys are always bickering and fighting, then I would say, yeah, you probably need to look for someone else. But, uh, if you think,
00:04:16
well, I’m sure all those great marriages out there that I that they feel like they’re in the center of God’s will, I’m sure they don’t have conflicts. Well, that’s just not true. They’ve got conflicts. They just need to learn to work through them. And maturity and growth and strategies of being wise and and and peace-seeking Christians help those couples do better at the conflicts. And then God throws you bigger conflicts. But whatever, you’re going to learn to manage to live with
00:04:40
someone. You’re a sinner. She’s a sinner. And there’s going to be the struggles that everyone has. So, I think I would start by saying, why don’t you ask the people that know you guys the best and say, “How do you view our relationship?” And see if they start saying things like what you’re afraid of, and that is, you know, it seems like you guys argue a lot. And if that’s the case, then yeah, maybe maybe it’s time to slow down and maybe it’s time to even
00:05:03
think, hey, maybe we can uh, you know, put this on pause for a while as we see if this is really what God wants for us. Because someone who’s in the stage of not yet being married and they’re still in the dating process, if they’re arguing all the time, then then that that’s just not a good sign. Uh it’s a kind of conflict of the kinds of personalities and the kinds of propensities we have that, you know, probably is not going to make for a very good marriage. And I see that often in
00:05:28
relationships that I think most people can look at and say, “This don’t look like a good match.” As the book of Proverbs says, you know, victory is is is bound up in the in the abundance of counselors. So, you need some people that know you to speak into this and help you. But make sure she’s a devoted Christian. She loves Christ first. Make sure you love Christ first. That’s the main thing. And uh and then if if people say, “No, you guys seem like a good match.” Then it’s just about you growing
00:05:54
up and her growing up and trying to work out your conflicts better than you have in the past. Now, can I ask you, Alexis, how old you are and how old she is? >> Uh yes, Pastor Mike. I am 26 and she is uh she’s about to be 23. >> Okay. >> I think Oh, no. She is 23. Yeah, she’s >> okay. You got aged and you get married soon. Uh the kinds of things that you do in responding to each other when you’re irritated is is probably going to be a lot better 8 years from now or 10 years
00:06:24
from now when you’re 35, 36. I just think there’s going to be um there’s going to be greater uh strategies of self-control of even guarding your tongue and you’re probably going to do better in in managing those conflicts. But I couldn’t find you a 23 24 year old girl for you to date that you’re not going to have conflicts with. And especially if you’re willing and honest enough to say, Alexis, that a lot of this is your trouble, right? You’re the one that sometimes overreacts or
00:06:51
whatever you think your problem is in this. uh then God’s just trying to pressure you to become a better uh marriage material man to uh to to work on that, to work hard on that. And you should you should memorize scripture that deals with whatever the problem is and how you respond to irritation. And you should say, “God, I I don’t want to be the husband of a girl that deserves a a man who controls himself better than I have.” And you need to start working on that before you buy a ring and put it on
00:07:20
her finger. So, I I do think that there are things that God may be telling you and how to become a better man. But if you think you’re going to exchange this relationship so that she has some perfect uh prince charming and you’re going to find this gal that you never argue with, that’s just not going to be the case unless you’re both, you know, just complete betas and there’s no you have no opinions. But most of us have these struggles. The question is how well can you deal with them? And do you
00:07:46
both love Christ? And is that the most important thing? and do you find that you’re attracted to one another, you like being with each other? Those are the things that need to happen. And that needs to be something that that pulls you guys together, and uh because of Christ and the covenant of marriage, then there’s going to be a whole another pressure to stay together and to be committed to loving each other sacrificially. But that needs to start now in the dating uh era of your relationship. Does that help at all? Are
00:08:12
there some people you could talk to that know you guys as a couple that might have some uh feedback and commentary on how you guys get along and what they see in this relationship? >> Uh yeah, I think there might be my mom and dad and maybe her mom and dad too. Um also maybe her brother and sister. And >> I I would I would go to dinner uh first with one set of parents and then the other set and just say, “Hey, we’re trying to please God in this. We want to make sure if we’re going to continue
00:08:41
going forward that this looks like the kind of relationship that you think can go the distance that’s good and uh what do you think? How can we grow? How can we be better at this? We don’t want to get into this if this isn’t God’s will. And uh see what they have to say because I do think um if you hear from both sets of parents and maybe some siblings that they’ve got a lot of thumbs down on this uh then maybe it is time uh to to put things on pause. But if they give you a thumbs up and
00:09:09
they think, “No, we think you guys are great. You know, we we don’t see any problems here.” Well, then you know the problems and then you need to start attacking those problems, which aren’t attacking the other person. It’s trying to make sure that you know how to deal with the conflicts that you’re going to have every day because you’re going to you’re going to have conflicts. I mean, everyone is going to have their own opinion about how to parent or where to live or should we spend money on more
00:09:31
square footage in an apartment or should we buy a sofa or it’s just so many things you’re going to deal with in life and you have to do it together and uh you’re all going to come at it with different opinions and if you can’t deal with conflict and misunderstanding and hurt feelings in a mature way then yeah, we probably need to put marriage off a little bit. But you’re old enough. If you’re 25, she’s 23. If you’re in that range in your mid20s, you know, it’s
00:09:56
time biologically and everything else to say, I should be ready to get married at this particular point. And uh, you know, of course, there’s a lot of things that go into that. You know, can you sustain this? You got to be able to leave and cleave or you got the money to do it. And it doesn’t mean you got to have a lot of money, but you got to have enough to support yourself and a decent job and insurance and all the things that go with adulting. And uh, that has to happen. So, there’s a lot there’s a big
00:10:21
checklist there. And I hope there’s some people that can help you through the details of that. Building a budget and looking at >> life like um when you said earlier if we go to a dinner with uh one set of parents um uh is there such a thing as construction constructive crit criticism? Um would we be able to like uh you know identify the problem and fix it or or um >> well that you could >> that be? But what I’m looking to see is if the parents, your parents or her parents say, “It seems like you guys
00:10:53
fight a lot.” Right? If that’s what you’re hearing from both sets of parents, then I’m thinking, “Yeah, there’s something not not right here.” Right? It shouldn’t be that you guys are contentious and it’s always about disagreements. The kinds of disagreements most couples have, they can keep it to themselves and other people don’t always see it. And I’m just saying if ev if it’s so contentious in this relationship, there’s so much conflict that everyone around you that’s
00:11:19
closest to you sees it all the time, that’s when I think you need to throw a red flag up and say you might have, you know, she might have another man that’s going to be a lot more uh adapted to the way she sees the world. And same for you, and you can have, you know, a better uh chance at a at a peaceful, harmonious marriage with someone else. And and that’s just realistic and mature thinking. And um yeah, but but now’s the time to figure that out. You don’t want to string this relationship along if you
00:11:48
don’t have a confidence that this is uh going to, you know, this is going to lead to marriage. That’s the goal. >> I understand, Pastor Mike. >> Okay. >> Thanks, Alexis. That’s important important stuff. And I’m sure you’re asking questions that plenty of listeners have as well. If you have a question about the Christian life, about how to put to to use the biblical principles to get us through decisions like that. And uh Alexis asks about one of the biggest decisions you’re going to
00:12:12
make as a Christian in your life or whatever it might be.
