Short Answer
You can love your child and still stand firm on what you believe is true. You are not required to affirm something you believe is untrue in order to maintain a relationship. Speak with kindness, but do not compromise your convictions.
The Overview
Navigating situations involving gender identity within the family is deeply personal and emotionally complex. The key tension often lies between maintaining a loving relationship and staying faithful to one’s convictions. The guidance here emphasizes that love does not require affirming something believed to be untrue. Instead, it calls for holding both truth and compassion together.
The principle is rooted in living according to what is considered “good, right, and true.” This means avoiding participation in actions or language that contradict deeply held beliefs. At the same time, this stance is not meant to be harsh or rejecting. The goal is to remain open, kind, and willing to engage—without affirming what is seen as false.
It is also important to recognize that standing firm may create tension or distance in relationships. However, that distance is not necessarily caused by the person holding to their convictions, but by differing beliefs. The emphasis is on keeping the door open for conversation, relationship, and care, even when there is disagreement.
Ultimately, the approach is to combine truth with grace. Continue showing love, maintain a willingness to connect, and communicate respectfully. While this path can be difficult, it reflects a commitment to both integrity and compassion, trusting that meaningful impact often comes through consistent love over time.
Key Takeaways
- Truth and Love Must Go Together
You can care deeply without affirming what you believe is untrue. - Do Not Compromise Core Convictions
Stay grounded in what you believe is right. - Be Kind and Respectful
How you communicate matters as much as what you say. - Keep the Relationship Open
Leave space for ongoing conversation and connection. - Tension May Be Unavoidable
Differences in belief can create distance. - Consistency Builds Influence
Long-term love and integrity can make a lasting impact.
Transcript
[00:00:02 – 00:01:28] Um, hi Pastor Mike. Uh, I’m the gentleman that’s called in before and I have uh three boys and one of them, my youngest, is a transgender and I I went and met with my middle son and they’re still insisting that uh I call him by this other name and uh by this other sex in order to be around him, in order to witness to him and reach him. and my sister’s doing that. And I guess my question is how would Jesus handle that? Would he he wouldn’t do that because he’s he can’t tell a lie. So he’s not
[00:00:46 – 00:01:49] going to say the wrong name or the wrong sex. So would he say child? Would he how would how do you think I should handle that myself >> if I am ever going to try to reach him with the gospel? Well, it may not be you that ends up reaching with the gospel if you hold firm on what I do think you should hold firm on, and that is the truth. What is true and what is good is for me to not play into the delusion of of my child. And I know that they’re going to say, “Well, the the end will
[00:01:17 – 00:02:15] justify the means, which for them is maybe you can still have contact with them.” But, you know, I’m going to look at passages like Ephesians chapter 5 that we’re supposed to be walking as children of light. And the fruit of that is all that is good and right and true. Trying to discern what’s pleasing to the Lord, which is what you’re doing even this phone call. Taking no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead exposing them. Now, that to me is is a clear call to say in my mind
[00:01:46 – 00:02:32] what you’re doing in standing firm, even trying to be kind. You’re trying to be kind, but you’re not going to play the game that that your other son is going to play with your third son. And I’m going to say I I I support you. I back you in this. It’s not about being mean. It’s not about being vindictive. It’s about being a child of God. That is all about the fruit of what is good and right and true. And and you’re not going to take part. And this is a small part
[00:02:09 – 00:03:02] obviously to call, you know, your son a female name. That’s a small part, but it is a part. It’s a part in an unfruitful works of darkness because it is unfruitful for us to affirm him in this uh frankly delusion that is that is egged on by society and the circles that he’s in. He needs to be removed from the circles that he hangs out in. But since he’s I’m assuming of age to choose who he’s going to hang out with, your words are falling on deaf ears. And if they build a wall up, which you’re not
[00:02:36 – 00:03:26] building, they’re going to build it based on you standing on what’s true. then they’re need they need to be blamed for the wall that they built, not you. Right? You’re just you’re saying, “Listen, I’m not going to take part in in this because it’s not true.” Right? Everything down to the bone structure of your son and the DNA of your son and the genitals of your son, everything about him, right, is screaming from creation. This is what we call natural theology.
[00:03:01 – 00:03:51] The theology of God, what we learn about God by looking at your son is that he’s a man. And because of that, you’re not going to take part in the unfruitful works of darkness. Instead, you’re going to expose them even by calling him by the name that is on his birth certificate and the name that you gave him. So, I stand with you, Lonnie, on this. And there’s a way to do what is right in a very kind way, as kindly as we can. But they’re going to call you a hater. They’re going to call you a lot
[00:03:26 – 00:04:22] of things. But remember this, they’re building the wall. They’re building the isolation, not you. Right? You’re willing to talk to them. You’re willing to have them in your home. You’re willing to discuss these things, but you’re just not going to have a part in what you know is ultimately unfruitful, and that is to say that he’s a woman when in fact he’s not. >> So, can I have another question? >> Sure. >> What What do I tell my sister who is doing that, who who is a Christian
[00:03:54 – 00:04:57] herself, but she feels like that’s the right thing to do? >> Okay. Well, I think you’ve asked a good question even for her to consider. Do you really believe that Jesus is going to come on the scene and affirm something? That’s not right. Right. It’s not right. And just to go back to the first call with Dion, Dion, um if if there’s a man living naked in the tombs cutting himself with rocks, Jesus is not going to go and affirm that in any way. There’s just no possible way he would
[00:04:25 – 00:05:16] affirm that because it’s wrong to do that. You should put clothes on. You should be in your right mind. you should stop cutting yourself and destroying yourself and harming yourself. That’s the right thing. Just like your son needs to stop calling himself a female. Now, if the culture didn’t applaud that, your sister who’s claiming Christianity, and in fact, I’m assuming I have no reason to doubt she’s not a genuine believer, but she’s being hypnotized by the culture to give way to the culture
[00:04:50 – 00:05:49] to continue to say what is not true about your son. And that’s where I would appeal to her the way you’ve appealed to me in the opening of this question. Is this really what Jesus would do? Every time he met something that was not right, right? He was willing to do what was right. And he didn’t say, “I really care about your opinion, so I can’t be swayed.” And and and think about that. The the statement that was made in Matthew 22 when they came to Jesus, the Pharisees, they said something very true
[00:05:20 – 00:06:09] about, “We know that you are true and you teach the way of truth truthfully and you do not care about anyone’s opinion and you’re not swayed by appearances.” I mean, there’s another good verse to quote to your sister. I want to be more like Christ. I would I’d rather have people even these were his enemies that were saying this, right? The Herodians and the Pharisees. They were saying, you know, that you you always tell the truth. You don’t care about appearances or opinion. You care
[00:05:45 – 00:06:30] about the truth. You don’t care about culture. You don’t care about polls. You don’t care about what people might say from some psychological perspective. You care about the truth. And the truth couldn’t be clear when it comes to your son’s identity. He’s unfortunately being persuaded and applauded by the culture and now even a Christian aunt who’s saying things about him that aren’t true and you’re just not going to play that game and you’re not going to engage in
[00:06:07 – 00:06:54] that. And I think that’s laudable and I think the Lord is going to stand with you and even if you pay the price for that remember they they did this to Jesus. I mean this is the whole point of that passage in Matthew 22. They were out to get him but at least they started with a statement that was absolutely true. He wasn’t going to be swayed by the crowds. He wasn’t going to be swayed by appearances. He wasn’t going to give one answer to the rich and another answer to the poor. He wasn’t give one
[00:06:31 – 00:07:30] answer to the Herodians and one answer to the Pharisees. And he wasn’t going to give one answer to a a bionary gender or a transgender. He’s going to give the same answer every time. And that’s all you’re looking for is consistency. And consistency as a Christian is not to do what your sister is doing. >> Right? And I know that’s easy for me to say, Lonnie, because I’m I’m sitting here behind my desk, you know, and my kids are not claiming to be transgender. That that may be easy for me to say, but
[00:07:00 – 00:07:44] that doesn’t matter. There’s a lot of things I have to say that cost me that you don’t have to pay the cost for. So, all I’m saying is we all have our cross to bear. Right now, this is your challenge and your cross to bear. But, you can do it. You can do it with a smile on your face, with a welcome mat out, and and you’re not you’re not shutting the door. You’re just saying, “I’m not going to I’m not going to take part in this.” So keep trying to love
[00:07:22 – 00:08:10] them by saying, “I’m willing to talk, but I’m not going to engage in in this uh unfruitful deed of of unre.” >> Thank you for the encouragement, Pastor Mike. >> Okay, hang in there, man. I know that’s hard, and you’re not the only one, Lonnie, and I appreciate you calling twice on this over the months because there are other people listening uh who won’t pick up the phone and don’t pick up the phone, and they’re going through the same thing. This is all over the
[00:07:45 – 00:08:56] place. And uh I I Satan is having his way in our culture. And um this is this is doing nothing but weakening our culture. Think about just the birth rate alone in the United States as we follow these European secular cultures that are continuing to to not only postpone marriage, but it starts with sex outside of marriage and saying you can have a sexual relationship with your girlfriend or you can move in. You don’t need marriage and we don’t need kids. Now we have contraception. Not that that’s bad
[00:08:20 – 00:09:24] in and of itself if it’s pre uh uh pre pre-fertilization conception or or um a prophylactic of some kind that prevents conception. But my point is if all of this can happen without marriage commitment, family and kids, we end up having a country like ours that dips below the replacement rate and uh we start recognizing that all that God intended for a society to be strong. I mean, look at China with their one child policy. They end up so weakening their whole culture. They got robots trying to
[00:08:52 – 00:09:56] care uh for the geriatric aging crowd and and it’s not working now. They’re trying to reverse all of that demography and saying, “No, no, no. Everyone needs to have more kids.” And that’s that’s not the only solution. But I am saying what has happened in having everyone uh treat their gender as a name tag and not as part of who they are has certainly led us to a kind of sexual confusion and a a ridiculous weakening of our society that will eventually cost us as we bow to the knees even uh we bow and and and
[00:09:24 – 00:10:32] take a knee in front of uh of Islam. Think about Islam. the the Islamic world is out to conquer the the world and and the Islamic uh cultures continue uh to have birth rates that are three, four, five, six, seven times uh the national average in the United States. That’s just one example of one of one culture, a subset that is against Jesus Christ as the God man, as the redeemer, uh, that is saying, “Hey, we’re all about strengthening our societies and our culture, even though they have a sword
[00:09:58 – 00:11:00] where they’re trying to advance the the religion of of Islam.” Uh, we’re saying, “Well, that’s not how we advance it.” No, we advance it by argument and by uh engaging in rational debate, but we’re we’re a dying culture. The West is a dying culture. Look at Europe. Look what’s gone on in in in in in England, in in Scotland, in in Ireland, in I mean, go all through the Baltic states and all the way out to to Italy, in Spain. We are in a situation where we need to get back to the basics of
[00:10:29 – 00:10:59] gender, male and female, marriage, having children, strong families, and strong churches, where we know who we are as male and female. All right. Well, I got on a soap box there, but uh you’ve expected that by now, I assume.
