Short Answer
You should step back and seriously reconsider the relationship. Until there is clear change, accountability, and stability, it is wise not to move forward toward marriage.
The Overview
Engagement is not the same as marriage—it is a period meant for discernment, not commitment at all costs. If serious issues like anger, instability, avoidance, or lack of accountability are present, they should not be ignored. These are not small concerns; they are warning signs about what the future could look like.
In this situation, the behavior described—being mean, pushing you away, refusing to meet with a pastor, and expressing confusion about being “marriageable”—points to deeper unresolved issues. A healthy relationship moving toward marriage should include honesty, responsibility, spiritual maturity, and willingness to seek counsel.
It’s also important to recognize that emotional attachment—especially if there has been a strong romantic or physical connection—can cloud judgment. Feelings can make it harder to see clearly, even when the relationship is unhealthy. That’s why stepping back is not weakness—it’s wisdom.
Before marriage, you have the freedom to walk away. This is actually a protection, not a loss. It allows you to pause, reset, and evaluate whether this relationship truly reflects what God intends for a healthy marriage.
Seeking wise counsel—from pastors, mentors, or trusted believers—is essential. If the relationship is meant to continue, it should be rebuilt on a foundation of accountability, respect, and spiritual alignment. If not, stepping away now can prevent much deeper pain later.
Key Takeaways
- Engagement Is Not Final Commitment
You are free to step back before marriage. - Warning Signs Matter
Anger, avoidance, and instability are serious issues. - Accountability Is Essential
Refusing help is a red flag. - Emotions Can Cloud Judgment
Step back to think clearly. - Seek Wise Counsel
Involve pastors or trusted mentors. - Reset If Needed
It’s better to pause than rush into harm.
Read Full Raw Transcript
Says. My fiance lost his home and and I housed that I housed him in when no one else could. Okay. He became mean and angry, and I got kicked out and we broke up. He claims God brought us together in a relationship. Now he says he wants to work it out, but he keeps delaying the meeting with our pastor, and he keeps saying he’s no longer marriage material or marriageable.
How do I resolve this? My life sounds bad. It sounds really bad to me, and it sounds like someone like that. If that’s the starting blocks of a of a potential relationship. Yeah, I’d say time to time to, you know, time to maybe think, rethink this completely. Matter of fact, I got to think there’s people in your life that are that are thinking this isn’t the right relationship for you.
So this is a great thing about before stepping into a covenant marriage relationship, you got the opportunity to walk away. I mean, even if you’re engaged, I don’t care what was going on in the past. If you haven’t walked that aisle and said, I do before God in these witnesses, you’re you’re as free as if you just passed each other at the mall.
So, you know, I just think whatever you have to untangle, maybe to start completely over and rethink this from scratch, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done and how many times you’ve dated, even doesn’t matter what kind of sins you may have committed together. If you’re not married, you got to start from scratch. If you’ve broken up and you’re looking at this and it’s all about anger and being mean, and not even you can’t even get him to meet with you and your pastor.
And I just think, you know, there may be a lot of emotions that that act like glue, and particularly if they’re sin in the past. And by that, without being too explicit, you know, the kinds of physical sins, that romantic sins that happen primarily that can blind our logical, you know, thinking about relationships, I’d slow down. I would not only slow down, I’d step out.
If this is something that makes sense biblically, spiritually, you’re going to get plenty of good, wise counsel that will bring you right back to where you are now. If that’s wise. Stepping back, stepping out, starting over, hitting the reset button. That sounds really wise to me. Now what do I know? I mean, I don’t I don’t know the situation other than what you’re telling me, but it doesn’t sound good.
You know, the three sentences you gave me here and that that, you know, I do deal with this kind of stuff all the time. And I would say, take a take a big step backwards. All right, all right.
