Short Answer
When engaging with Roman Catholic family members, speak truth clearly but with gentleness and respect. You may not be able to avoid disagreement or tension, but you can control how you respond—sometimes even choosing not to engage in unproductive debates.
The Overview
Conversations between Protestants and Roman Catholics can be challenging because the differences are not minor—they involve key issues like authority, salvation, and the Christian life. While there are important areas of agreement, there are also foundational disagreements that naturally lead to tension. Because of this, conflict in such discussions is often unavoidable.
The goal, however, is not to win arguments but to communicate truth in the right way. Scripture calls believers to give reasons for their faith with gentleness and respect. This means staying firm in convictions while avoiding harshness, sarcasm, or unnecessary offense. The way truth is presented matters just as much as the truth itself.
It is also important to recognize when conversations are no longer productive. If discussions become repetitive, emotional, or unfruitful—especially in ongoing text exchanges—it may be wise to step back. Not every argument needs to be answered, and silence or brief responses can sometimes be the most appropriate course of action.
Ultimately, wisdom is required to balance truth, love, and peace. Be clear about your beliefs, remain respectful, and discern when to engage and when to disengage. Maintaining the relationship while standing firm in truth is the long-term goal.
Key Takeaways
- Real Differences Exist
Disagreements about doctrine are significant and unavoidable. - Speak with Gentleness and Respect
Truth should be communicated with care and humility. - Do Not Compromise Convictions
Stand firm in what you believe is biblical. - Discern When to Engage
Not every debate needs a response. - Keep Responses Simple When Needed
Brief, respectful answers can be effective. - Protect the Relationship
Balance truth with wisdom to maintain peace where possible.
Read Full Raw Transcript
[00:00:00 – 00:00:56] She says she needs advice because Amy, you say your husband um how do how to engage you you and your husband should engage with your parents who are Roman Catholic. Uh several years are going back and forth to produce feelings of frustration and anger. Most conversations are over text where my dad will send uh heretical excerpts and false information about God. Okay. Yeah. Number one, let’s start with the divide between Roman Catholics and Protestants. It’s it’s based on understanding. It’s
[00:00:28 – 00:01:25] not a misunderstanding. No matter what liberal pope might be in, you know, the office, um there’s clear distinctions about the Christian life, about justification, about sanctification, about forgiveness, about sin, uh about a lot of things. Is there agreement? Absolutely. There’s plenty of agreement between Protestants and Catholics, right? We agree on on the divinity of Christ, the Trinity, so many great things that we agree on morally in terms of, you know, the problem of abortion. Although you get liberal popes in there,
[00:00:56 – 00:01:49] they start saying crazy things about all kinds of moral issues that I wouldn’t agree with. But the the writings that are there in let’s say the Catechism of the Catholic Church, the most recent doctrinal uh expose of the of the Roman Catholic Vatican, yeah, there’s plenty in there that that I would say as a Protestant, I wholeheartedly agree with it, but there’s a lot in there that I don’t agree with. and a lot that I don’t agree with has bearing on how one gets saved and how one understands their sin
[00:01:22 – 00:02:17] and how one understands the Christian life. So, uh there is a distinction and that distinction was made very clear and sharp 500 years ago that created what we know of now as the Protestant church. You should know that the Protestant church did not start with people trying to protest. They were trying to actually do what their name’s sake says and that is they’re trying to reform the church. Now, reformation theology and and and reformed theology means something different today, even though it was
[00:01:50 – 00:02:53] birthed historically out of this movement 500 years ago. But the reformation was a was definitely a sincere effort to try and reform the doctrine that had deviated from scripture um in the Roman Catholic Church. Uh but it failed in that sense because it didn’t reform the church. had just created a whole another uh segment of people that called themselves Christians who were saying, “I want to be biblical. I’m not going to listen to these guys in Rome if they’re telling us something the Bible doesn’t say.” And
[00:02:21 – 00:03:14] with the creation of the printing press, that certainly helped. The propagation of scripture, the literacy of the congregations certainly helped in people saying, “Let’s look at the Bible says, let’s look what the Roman Catholic cardinals and pope and the college of cardinals say and what my priest says.” And we can see the gap the the error between the practice of the church and the writings of scripture. And therefore, if you’re going to move to a biblical position, you better you better
[00:02:48 – 00:03:36] say, I guess I’m I’m aligning with the with the Protestants. Now, I don’t start conversation with saying I’m a Protestant. Uh, you know, I I’m I’m in the heritage of those who re tried to reform the church 500 years ago, but that that’s that’s what we are, right? Evangelical Christians who listen to the station. Maybe not all who listen, but most who broadcast, if not all, I hope are are saying, “No, we’re biblical. We try to be biblical. Our sole authority
[00:03:11 – 00:04:03] is the Bible.” Okay, that is Protestantism. Okay, so you’re saying, Amy, you and your husband are talking to your Roman Catholic parents, and there’s so many Roman Catholics, by the way, they don’t even fight uh with Protestants because they don’t even care or they don’t even know. So, it sounds like your parents are um hardcore Roman Catholics. And as hardcore Roman Catholics, they see the gap between what you’re saying and what they’re saying. And for that, I’ll give them credit. And
[00:03:38 – 00:04:25] I’ll give you credit because you’re not trying to blur the line. You’re trying to say there is distinction and it matters. The Reformation and the Counterreformation 500 years ago, 450 years ago, all of that still stands. There’s no change, right? The the Catholics may be changing on moral issues. They’re not changing on their doctrinal stance, although that may change because that’s the whole problem. The church gets to decide what doctrine is. And uh we’re saying, “No, the Bible
[00:04:01 – 00:04:44] gets to decide what doctrine is.” And they criticize us cuz you know, well, who everyone can figure this out. Shouldn’t it be the priests and shouldn’t it be the tradition of the church, the magisterium of the church? Okay, I understand all that. I can respond to all that. But here, your question, Amy, is what do I do with my parents where there’s a lot of hurt feelings. You called it frustration and anger. Uh because you’re engaging them in this debate. Uh I’m going to say
[00:04:22 – 00:05:19] this. There’s no way around telling someone we we understand God, church, Christianity, authority differently. Uh because we are solos scriptorera. We’re the Bible alone kind of Christians. And in that sense, I guess we protested against the Roman Catholic Church who doesn’t see it that way. So is there going to be hurt feelings? Of course, you may handle those hurt feelings better, right? But even in your question, there’s got to be frustration there. So there’s no way around that,
[00:04:51 – 00:05:39] right? I I cannot let’s just look at it this way. Uh the the moon landing flat earth whatever these theories if if you have half the people at your Thanksgiving table who believe in a flat earth or we didn’t go to the moon or whatever it is which I know are very popular these days with the birth of the internet. But here’s what I’m going to say. You’re going to have some conflict. Now imagine that what we’re disagreeing about so big disagreement. We’re trying to look at the same things. We have two
[00:05:14 – 00:06:08] different opinions about this. What in the world? Not just opinions, convictions about this. What in the world do you think the conflict’s going to be if we raise that to the highest level, which is God and salvation and eternal life and whether or not there’s a purgatory or whether we should make Mary a co-redemptric or whether or not, you know, confession and penance and, [snorts] you know, Hail Marys mean anything. If we start getting to that level, this is going to be something that’s going to cause the problem. So,
[00:05:41 – 00:06:38] Amy, um, I don’t know that I can help you with that part. All I can say is that when the Bible tells us to give a reason for the hope that’s in us, it says we’re do we’re supposed to do it with gentleness and respect. So I would say Amy, you and you need to remind your husband as a loving wife, very influential person, right, in his life, you need to try to gently, lovingly remind him, uh, we’ve got to be gentle and we’ve got to be respectful even though we’re unyielding and unbending on
[00:06:10 – 00:07:09] our Protestant understanding of truth, which is it comes from scripture, not from guys uh, sitting around in robes in in Italy. That is critical. And so be as as respectful as you can. Now, at some point, the Bible says this clearly, you shouldn’t answer a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him. And and I hate to, you know, be porative with the word fool, but I’m quoting scripture here. I think you’ve got times when someone is intractable about their views, right? You could have Mormon
[00:06:40 – 00:07:33] relatives or you could have Jehovah Witness relatives or whatever. or even if you’ve got, you know, Orthodox, Greek Orthodox or Russian Orthodox relatives, you could have such distinctions in your theology, even if they’re not, you know, than light and it’s not worth having this debate. Now, if your dad and your mom want to keep throwing bombs over the wall, I think, you know, sometimes you got to decide, is this even worth responding to? Uh now the problem with your husband in particular I would
[00:07:07 – 00:08:04] assume just knowing the difference usually between men and women in a marriage with in-laws or parents um our silence we often think especially as men we’re we are often fighters it’s like we don’t want to be silent because it seems like a capitulation to their view and and your husband wants to make clear well there’s a nice and easy way to say don’t agree with that u but let’s talk about you know the Dodgers or something I I don’t have a problem with silence I don’t even have a problem with short
[00:07:34 – 00:08:29] answer, but I do think at times if they’re not if they’re if they’re they’re absolutely implacable, they’re they’re not willing to listen, they’re not willing to discuss reasonably, I don’t have a problem with you saying to your husband, I I think it’s time for us probably to stop talking theology uh with the parents on our text threads. Um, and if not, then if if the wisdom of your husband and if you perhaps in your wisdom say, “Well, we should answer these things. They keep throwing up
[00:08:03 – 00:09:10] these issues and you’re going to answer answer them simply, directly, respectfully, gently. That means not with, you know, porative language, not with hurtful language. And uh then move on with the rest of your day. It’s like someone saying, you know, the the sky is green and and it’s like, okay. Uh you can say, no, it’s blue. Um we’re convinced it’s blue and and we’re moving on. and and and that I think would be I guess my simplified advice is to just be a little more brief in the responses
[00:08:36 – 00:09:07] that you have, Amy, to your parents and to try and advise your husband to do that. But here’s what I’d ask you to do, Amy. Maybe just have your husband give me a call. I’d love to hear his perspective on why this continues to to be an issue. And uh that might be helpful.
