Short Answer
There are times when it is wise to stop arguing and remain silent—especially when it leads to conflict without fruit. Instead of reacting in the moment, it is often better to teach and guide your children afterward in a calm and controlled setting.
The Overview
When sharing truth consistently leads to arguments, frustration, and hostility, wisdom calls for restraint. Not every situation requires an immediate response. Engaging in heated debates—especially in front of children—can sometimes do more harm than good, reinforcing conflict rather than clarity.
Scripture emphasizes discernment in communication. There are moments when speaking up is necessary, but there are also moments when silence is the wiser choice. If a conversation is likely to provoke anger and unproductive conflict, stepping back can prevent escalation and protect the environment—especially for young listeners.
In situations involving children, the priority shifts to their understanding and growth. Instead of correcting everything publicly, a more effective approach is to address it privately afterward. Taking time to calmly explain truth to them allows for clarity without the distraction of conflict. These moments can become powerful teaching opportunities.
Ultimately, this approach requires self-control and patience. Restraining the impulse to respond immediately is not weakness—it is wisdom. By choosing the right time and setting to speak, you can communicate truth more effectively while maintaining peace and protecting your family environment.
Key Takeaways
- Not Every Situation Needs a Response
Silence can be the wiser choice in conflict. - Avoid Unproductive Arguments
Heated debates may do more harm than good. - Prioritize Your Children’s Understanding
Teach them truth in calm, private moments. - Timing Matters
When you speak is as important as what you say. - Practice Self-Control
Restraint reflects wisdom and maturity. - Create Teachable Moments
Use quiet settings to reinforce truth clearly.
Transcript
[00:00:00 – 00:01:04] Hi, Pastor Mike. Yeah, my question is um kind of on encouragement, I guess, and discernment. Uh when it’s more appropriate just to stop defending the gospel and I guess some background to that is I always feel so discouraged uh by my father because he’s not saved and and I get it. I was once lost. So, um I know that only the spirit can convict him of sin and only God can can open his eyes. I’m fully aware of all that. But almost every time I’m around him, there’s always some sort of argument. Uh
[00:00:33 – 00:01:26] mostly because he says things in front of my children who are still pretty young, they’re seven, 8, 10, and 15. Um so like for example, he’ll tell my kids that he’s never sinned. And I’ll say, “Okay, we know that’s not true or I’ve already been through the law with you.” And it just turns into like anger, disgust, bickering. He’ll say, “Money is the most important thing.” And I’ll come back with a Bible verse. and then he gets really upset and it’s always this
[00:00:59 – 00:01:50] back and forth and I’m I’m confessing to you now. I’m not the most gentle and patient person. I need to work on that. I’ve only been saved a year and a half. Um I definitely have more zeal than knowledge, but almost every time it turns into fighting. Um but I just can’t stand that he says certain things in front of my kids. So when is it time to just stop and keep my mouth shut and not say anything? I don’t want to turn him away because every time he’s so disgusted, I feel like I’m actually
[00:01:24 – 00:02:22] pushing him away from Christ. So, I guess it’s looking for uh discernment or encouragement on that. >> Well, I I think of passages, there’s a few passages come to mind. I think of Proverbs 15:2, which talks about the mouth, and I hate to call your dad this, but the mouth of fools pour out folly or or Proverbs 13:16, the the fool flaunts his folly. And if I know I’m I’m heading towards something where it’s there’s something pouring out or there’s something flaunting folly, I I I don’t
[00:01:53 – 00:02:49] want I don’t want to prick that. I don’t want to puncture that. I I don’t want to I don’t want to let that out. And so it it’s much like the passage I think of probably more often than not. And that’s Proverbs 26:17 that that I I don’t want to grab a a dog by the ear uh when I’m passing by it, right? I just I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to I don’t want to involve myself in something that’s going to bite me and therefore I I will let you know
[00:02:21 – 00:03:22] the sleeping dogs lie and I know you care about him but I certainly wouldn’t want to do that in front of my kids when I know the folly is going to come flooding out and and I don’t I don’t want to do that in front of my kids. So, I would definitely use restraint around my dad if I knew the folly is going to come flooding out on my children and they’re going to see all that and and I I wouldn’t want that. So, I would I would use more restraint and I just would say less and I’d talk about sports
[00:02:51 – 00:03:42] and the weather uh before I start, you know, casting my pearl before swine because I know what I’m going to get. you know, he’s going to spit those things back at me and my kids are gonna, you know, get uh, you know, get some of that sloshed in their face. And I I just don’t want that. I I I wouldn’t want that. I want my kids to hear the good stuff. I’d rather my kids uh, you know, hear what’s best and what’s going to edify them. And this is going to do just the opposite. So, I mean, I think your
[00:03:17 – 00:04:20] kids know who your dad is at this point, but I don’t want them to to constantly be barged by by things that are foolish. Yeah, that makes sense. So, for example, like when he tells my kids, you know, God is not here. Money is the most important thing. Um, would you advise just not saying anything in the moment and then conversating with my kids on the side? Because I typically would just go at him for saying that to my children and then it’s like this whole thing, but instead just say nothing, walk away, and
[00:03:49 – 00:04:51] then tell my kids, you know, later on when he’s not there, you know, that’s not true. Stuff like that. >> Yeah. Here’s what I I would do. Matter of fact, the the preceding words of all those passages I’ve just talked about. I’ll just quote a few. Every prudent man acts with knowledge. [snorts] Um the words of a wise man’s mouth win him favor. Uh the heart of of the wise man seeks knowledge. In other words, if if I was in a situation with kids that age, my kids in at that age, and I walked out
[00:04:20 – 00:05:19] of a situation where we heard folly being spewed about, uh I would go to the car, get in the car, and here’s where my kids would pay special attention to me at that age. If we got in the car, everybody got in strapped in, and I didn’t start the car, but we’re all in the car, and I started to say things without starting the car. My kids know me enough to know, “Oh, dad’s got something to say here.” And and that’s how I would address it. I would say something like, “Kids, tell tell me what
[00:04:49 – 00:05:51] you just heard, and what’s the truth about what what grandpa just said?” [snorts] And and I would make a point to say the the prudent thing, the knowledgeable thing, the wise thing. I I would say the word of wisdom at that point to counter what they just heard. And I wouldn’t mind that it puts dad grandpa in in a bad light because what matters most is the truth, right? They can love grandpa but also know that what he’s saying is foolish and and and that’s that’s most of their life is
[00:05:20 – 00:06:21] going to have to be showing respect knowing that that the person is not saying what’s true. They’re going to do that for a lot of their life with bosses and managers and professors and and and and mayors and and homeowners association presidents. So, this is something they need to learn now. But I would put them in the car and say you heard some things tonight. What what you know, let me tell you, you know that’s not true. And then give them the truth. Even if it’s just a a 20 second
[00:05:50 – 00:06:46] conversation and then the car starts and off we go. That’s what I would do. I I would just set the record straight before we ever started going home. >> All right. Thank you. That helps a lot. I like I said before, I I struggle with keeping my mouth shut, so that that helps. >> Yeah. And and you’ve got to learn that. You have to learn just to bite your tongue. Don’t respond in the moment. Respond in the quiet of the car. And um Yeah. And yeah, you you’ll win the more
[00:06:18 – 00:06:52] you can control your spirit. I mean, better better is someone, right, than than a man who can take a city, right? The warrior who can go and take a city if you can just control your spirit in in those moments. So, get at it. You can do it.
